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08.18.26
What I want isn't success, sex, or more stuff. What I want is to be satisfied, or to (1) want something (we must first want in order to have that want met) and (2) have that desire met to the extent that I am no longer in want. I want to not be in a constant state of want. The lack of an object of desire and the fulfillment of that desire is probably what people call "emptiness." Retail therapy gives us, or at least me, a very clear picture of this phenomenon: you go and identify things you want (1 - object of desire identified) and buy them (2 - desire fulfilled). The problem is, all this stuff gets old. So we keep trying again and again to feel that sense of satisfaction. In other words, they don't work. If they did, I wouldn't be a Rouge member at Sephora.
From a neutral lens, success, sex, and more stuff are various means to a supposed end. I just assume that they'd do as they claim, but why? I have little reason to do so. My mood and desires are prone to change, and whatever emotions I've felt from having them, either together or individually, have always been temporary. So what reason do I have to believe that they can somehow be good enough? I probably grew jaded and came to believe that temporary pleasure is the best I can do. But Jesus disagrees, and I feel obligated to believe him. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (1 - object of desire identified), for they will be satisfied (2 - desire fulfilled). So I'm trying. By trying, I mean I'm trying to make my every decision under the assumption that he's being truthful, because if he is, that means he can give me what I want.
I'm trying really hard to believe him. The apostles and early Christians did. (edit: The men and women who brought the gospel to my ancestors did.) Whatever pleasure, satisfaction, or joy (or whatever else you call it) he gave was good enough for them to die for. By his grace, I'm trying to live for it.