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08.25.2026
So much of this website is now occupied by these jottings about the boy ("what's-his-name"). This isn't what I intended for this to be, but maybe it is an accurate reflection of the state of my mind. There are still these moments when I really have to fight every thought in my head and instinct in my body just to accept what happened as real. For the first six months of this year, I've grown to see him as this permanent fixture in my life, and I did not think reality could ever deviate from that. It's not that I actively denied it, but the idea itself seemed so unlikely that it never really crossed my mind. What could possibly happen for him to not be here anymore? Well, I guess this. A big part of my very sudden increase in religiosity likely has to do with the fact that I'm still in shock and am desperately grasping at whatever I can to calm my nervous system.
"And when they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized him, they sent around to all that region and brought to him all who were sick and implored him that they might only touch the fringe of his garment. And as many as touched it were made well."
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand" (Proverbs 19:21).